Thursday, September 22, 2011

Hosea, Chapters 1 & 2: Son of a whore!

Chapter 1

The things god puts his faithful followers through. He orders Hosea to take a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms (v. 2). Why? To prove a point to the Israelites, of course! So he takes a wife called Gomer, which was a boy's name somewhere else and on TV. Anyway, she has a son called Jezreel, which refers to something that happened back in Kings and means the house of Jehu will be avenged. I'm not interested enough to actually look it up.

Next Gomer has a daughter called Loruhamah, which means 'No Mercy' or 'Unloved.' Finally, she has another son called Loammi, or 'Not My People.' Way to set your kids up for future criminal charges there, god.

God does offer up some hope at the end, promising that even though he's breaking up with his people now, he'll take them back in future so they can take revenge for whatever happened at Jezreel. Okay, I looked it up: Queen Jezebel seizes some land illegally.

Chapter 2

Further ensuring future delinquency, Hosea tells his kids No Mercy and Not My People to tell their mother that she's not his wife and to stop cheating on him. He threatens to strip her naked and leave her to die of thirst in the desert. He's got plans for their siblings as well, namely not to have mercy on them.

He goes on and on in his trauma-counselling-inducing tirade, threatening to destroy all her possessions à la Ronny on Jersey Shore and to exile her to an isolated country estate. That actually sounds much better than being married to this guy.

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